The Dreaded Day

I spent A LOT of time yesterday planning out what needed to go to daycare, what I needed to take to work, packing lunches and setting out clothes. I was COMPLETELY prepared. Spencer was eating at 6am, 10am, 2pm, etc., in four hour increments. This was going to work out well because Justin and I could both get up at 6am and get everything ready for the day and I could leave by 7:30.

WRONG, totally WRONG. Spencer had other plans, like sleeping. He didn't wake up for his 2am feeding until 3:45am! Which meant that he was in no mood to wake up at 6am. Justin got him up, changed his diaper, got him dressed and gave him his medicine. All I would have to do was to feed him. Justin left at 6:30 and I proceeded to wake up Mr. Sleepy Pants.

I tickled his cheeks, chin, belly and back and......

he continued to sleep.

I talked to him, turned all of the lights on, tickled some more and.....

he slept some more.

There was no way he was going to wake up. So Madison took my picture with Mr. Sleepy Pants as I headed back to work.

Today wasn't horrible, it wasn't great, but it wasn't horrible either. I handed him off to the sweet lady at daycare and after giving him a hug, I had to walk away. I got onto the interstate and drove the familiar road to downtown. As the rain fell, so did my tears. It is a given that a mother misses their child, but it really is about missing the little things:

• Having Spencer gaze into my eyes while feeding him


• Making a hot breakfast for Madison


• Watching Spencer sleep oh so soundly


• Hearing the bus pull up each morning


• Doing laundry a little bit at a time instead of all of it on the weekends


• Going and getting the mail when I hear the mailman come


• Going for a walk with the stroller


• Fixing Madison's hair before school


• Nuzzling up against Spencer's head because it is warm and smells like a baby


• Having Spencer fall asleep in my arms


• Hearing the school bus drop off the kids and waiting for Madison to walk through the door so I can ask her how her day was


• Trying so hard to get smiles, coos and other sound out of Spencer and being lucky enough to witness them

It was nice to hear the comments from co-workers that they were glad I was back. At least knowing I was needed at work took some of the sting away from being needed by my children. I cleaned off the inch of dust that had accumulated on my desk and tried to organize the papers that had been placed there for me to take care of upon my return.

The day was done and I headed home to see my sweet girl who had three teeth pulled today and my precious boy who needed some mommy hugs.