EEEEKKKK

I came home last Friday evening and pulled into the garage like normal. I had some trash in my van (like I always do), so I went to throw it in the trash bin. I was about two steps away when a black head and slithering tongue came up out of the grass.
B-A-C-K
A-W-A-Y
SLOOOOOWWWWLLYYY

Holy, cow! Run to the front door and poke my head in and ask Justin if he can come kill a snake for me. He nonchalantly says yes and says he will be out in a minute.
A minute, the ginormous slithering thing could go into the garage, no I need you now!
Justin was TOTALLY thinking that this was a garter snake.
Nope,
not even close.
It took MULTIPLE stabs with the garden hoe to stop it from moving.  It kept twitching, eeeewwww.
Yes, I scream like a girl and I am pretty sure they heard me in Indiana.