Baby Olympics

Here is my version of the Olympics:

At 2 am you feed your newborn and he pukes up everything he just ate. He falls back asleep with an upset tummy. At 5am you feed your newborn and pukes up half of what he just ate. He is still HUNGRY after throwing up his last two meals, but of course has an upset tummy, so you can't let him chug down any more milk.

So for the bronze medal you must walk around the furniture in a circular pattern, holding baby for a minimum of 10 minutes, keep the pacifier in the mouth and not let baby cry.

For the silver medal you must walk around the furniture in a circular pattern, holding baby for a minimum of 15 minutes, keep the pacifier in the mouth, not let baby cry and put baby to sleep.

For the gold medal you must walk around the furniture in a circular pattern holding baby for a minimum of 20 minutes, keep the pacifier in the mouth, not let baby cry, put baby to sleep and then, here is the big one, place baby into his hammock to continue sleeping and not wake up.

Needless to say, I did not win a medal today. I was disqualified for feeding the baby another ounce to coax him back to sleep.